We hear a lot about focusing on self-care and taking the time to prioritize it. People will tell you to take time for yourself, meditate, go for a walk, practice breathing, and more.
While these things hold importance and provide structure, why does it sometimes feel like another thing to do on your to-do list?
Whether you have a structured or flexible day-to-day, we all live a life of responsibilities and expectations. We fill our lives with various to-do lists, whether they be subconscious or not. As our to-do lists expand, we can be adding to our self-care list, too. We may find ourselves thinking and questioning:
Should I be working out more? Should I be journaling? And the “shoulds” continue on…
When Self-Care Becomes Another Expectation
For someone who tends toward anxiety or perfectionism, even self-care can become something to “get right.” There is also the weight of social media, providing you with a lens into what other people are doing.
Is what they’re doing something I should be doing, too?
We may compare our routines, which can lead us to feeling guilty about the way we are taking care of ourselves and the ways we think we should.
Self-care isn’t meant to be another standard to be met.
Sometimes caring for yourself looks different. It may look like a workout class or preparing a favorite meal. Other times, it might mean canceling plans you had for weeks because you are exhausted. It might be asking for help, setting a boundary, or simply giving yourself permission to slow down and rest.
There is not one right way to care for yourself.
What Do You Actually Need?
One helpful shift can be, instead of asking, “What should I be doing for myself?” to ask, “What do I need right now?”
Maybe your mind or body needs quiet and rest. Maybe you need to decline a commitment.
Maybe you just need to step away for a moment.
Maybe it means having meaningful conversations or quiet time side by side with a friend or loved one.
Learning to recognize your needs can take time and practice, especially when you spend a lot of time prioritizing the needs of others.Putting yourself first and setting a boundary can be uncomfortable. Part of caring for yourself may mean learning to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. Resting can be uncomfortable when your mind and body are used to being productive all the time.
That is not to say you are doing anything wrong. Sometimes discomfort is simply part of learning to care for our minds and bodies differently.
Maybe the goal isn’t to create the perfect self-care routine or add another list of things you “should” be doing. Maybe it’s about making space to listen to yourself and recognize what you need.
There will always be things on our to-do lists, but we don’t have to add ourselves to the list as another task to complete. We can make space for ourselves simply because we deserve to be cared for, too.
